Halloween is rapidly approaching and that means I'm going to have to transform disappear for a few days. I'm going to be making mischief pretty busy from now through the run up to my favourite night of the year, so apologies. No rest for wicked and all that.

Here's an advance Happy Halloween! I'll catch you all later. Be bad good...

"Baptists are only funny underwater."
- Neil Simon, Laughter on the 23rd Floor (1994)

"The latest episode shows an animated Irwin in Hell with a stingray poking out of his bleeding chest... The South Park episode called Hell On Earth 2006, which was broadcast in the US this week, shows Satan preparing to host a Hallowe’en fancy dress party."

Of course the first thing I did was go and watch the episode to see for myself. And surprise surprise, the Daily Mail has got it all wrong. So quick to stir up mock offence they completely missed the point of the exercise.

South Park creators Matt and Trey never do anything without close consideration, contrary to popular belief. Here they weren't "lampooning" Steve Irwin in the slightest. They were lampooning the sort of people who have mythologicised his death and who constantly force others to tiptoe around what happened, implying that to even speak of it is somehow disrespectful. Now, perhaps they didn't need to have a stingray stuck in his chest, but then his appearance wouldn't have had such impact as a statement.

If people are going to be offended by anything in the episode, I would have thought the sight of Catholic Priests with naked boy slaves on leashes would be far more offensive...

And that, my friends, just proves Matt and Trey's point to perfection.

A few days ago, after the spate of unpredictable polls, I thought I'd make a prediction about the YouGov poll due out today. I guessed CON 38%, LAB 35%, LDEM 17%.

And got it completely wrong! Ah well!

Here are the actual results:

CON 39% (+3)
LAB 32% (-4)
LDEM 16% (nc)

For a question asking, if they had to choose, whether people would prefer a Labour government led by Gordon Brown or a Conservative government led by David Cameron, the results were:

Cameron/Conservatives: 46%
Brown/Labour: 33%

Meet Philip Jesse Silva, aged 60. He's a confirmed 2008 Republican Presidential Candidate from the state of Michigan. That he was arrested for attempted murder in March this year is probably neither here nor there to be honest.

As problems go, that's a minor one compared to his other ones.

You see, Philip isn't called Philip anymore. He changed his name to "Saint Michael Jesus the Archangel", refers to himself in the third person and sincerely believes himself to be the Archangel Michael. Here are some quotes from his rant webpage;

"From the time I was a little boy I knew I was God and Michael the Archangel, but I didn't dare tell anyone, not even anyone in my family because I knew that the devil, Satan, was going to try to murder Me, and indeed he did try, four separate times"

"The Father and Jesus gave Michael a permanent telepathic link to Them on His birthday May 20th, 2004, and Michael, Jesus, and the Father decided that undeveloped planets in the Heavens would be sold starting at a trillion Dollars by the stars, the sons of God, the winged angels (we incarnated angels lost our wings and got "Heavenly amnesia" about our prior Heavenly life when we were incarnated on Earth) who now own them while their guardian angela spirits now own the planets, and crystal castles for the saints and angels and angelas would start at a billion Dollars apiece."

"For those of you who don't know, Allah means simply "God" or "god" and may also mean Satan. Of course, for most of the moderate, peace-loving Muslims, it may be the true God Who is the real object of their worship, at least in their own minds because their religion is a false religion. Obviously, the murderous, radical, extremist Muslims who are waging jihad for the conquest of the world by Islam and who don't believe in freedom of religion for Catholics are actually worshipping the Devil! [There will still be freedom of religion in the NEO, the New Earth Order. You will be free to worship the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit if you want to go to Heaven or Satan if you want to go to Hell.] "

"I will pray to Michael and His Father Yahweh and His Big Brother Jesus Christ as Michael works in His current National Economic Stabilization And Recovery Act Presidential Campaign on the Internet at NESARA so he can outlaw abortion, queer marriage and the most dangerous drug of all, tobacco, second in killing power only to abortion by Executive Order and will review his Presidential agenda at CHRISTIAN CONQUEST OF EARTH. I can't wait to become Christian so I will be assured of my salvation and eternal ecstasy in the United Domains Of Heaven and Earth!"

So... I suppose we should look on the bright side. If he, by some miracle, becomes the next President, at least it'll be an improvement on the last one! Just kidding... I think.

Found via antitheism on livejournal.

'Anything other than a clear acquittal would have been a disaster for freedom of the press and the media's possibility of fulfilling its role in a democratic society,' Juste said.

Hear hear. A lawsuit filed against the Jyllands-Posten editor-in-chief Carsten Juste and cultural section editor Flemming Rose by a group of Islamic organisations has been justly thrown out. Sanity has prevailed in Denmark.

Of course those Muslims pursuing the case are now going to appeal to the High Court. Not surprising really. It's a symbolic victory they're after, not the money, and so I suspect no cost is too great in the pursuit of it.

Kasem Said Ahmad, spokesman for the Islamic Society in Denmark, a grouping to which a large number of Danish Muslims belong, told public broadcaster DR that he was 'disappointed' and did not understand the ruling that allowed 'the feelings of minorities in Denmark to be hurt.'

I find that sentiment bizarre. Does being in a minority mean you should automatically be immune to criticism? Well gosh, everybody is in a minority in some respect. I'm in a minority as a natural redhead but I wouldn't ever ask the law to censor any derogatory cartoons about red haired people...

You don't get respect by attempting to silence opposing views. You get it by proving to others that you are worthy of it. This lawsuit does far more harm than good to the Danish Muslim community and thus this a victory, not only for democracy in Denmark as a whole, but for those Muslims who understand that. They are the ones who are the most harmed by the disproportionate overreactions of certain segments of their community.

So Gregory Barker, the man behind Cameron's big Arctic Trip adventure, has run off with his male interior designer. Perhaps not entirely shocking considering his negative voting record on gay rights, but there we go.

Personally I find it more worrying that he cheated on his wife for more than a year than the fact that it was with a man. That was a bit of a ratbag thing to do. I do feel for his family, but then again these things do happen. I don't think it's a sackable offence in the slightest since he hasn't compromised his brief and it won't affect his ability to do his job.

I would love to see Labour trying to capatalise on this one... with John Prescott still parked on the front bench!

George Osbourne brazonly swore across the Commons at the Chancellor today, sparking a minor uproar amongst the few who were there and causing the Speaker to stand and tell him to retract it.

Okay, he was just quoting John Reid in saying that Gordon Brown would make "a f***ing awful Prime Minister". And he said "effing". But he still had retract the quote!

"Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. We know more about war that we know about peace, more about killing that we know about living."
- General Omar Bradley

Full-face transplant surgery has been given the go ahead today. Rumours that a certain PM with a penchant for hanging onto power at all costs was behind the move are, we hope, greatly exaggerated. For Gordon's sake alone...
NB: This is a rip-off tribute to the amusing front cover of Private Eye no.1147.

"Under a new house price tax, 'site positive' features would include gardens, patios, conservatories, double glazing, scenic views, number of bedrooms and number of parking spaces... In an alarming addition, residents who 'fail to give reasonable assistance' or do not cooperate with the inspectors will be fined £1,000 and be recorded on local police and court records. If the householder continues to obstruct, hinder or fail to provide assistance, they can be fined £200 per day on top..."

What is this, Great Britain or Communist Russia? Even police officers have to have a warrant to enter somebody's private property. Why on earth should the tax man have powers not only to barge in, but to take photographs of people's rooms?

The whole idea is ridiculous even without that sting in the tail. If you have the benefit of a house looking out on a nice field or woodland, which does not cost the council a penny to 'provide', they are going to charge you more for it. What madness is this? They may say it's only for Northern Ireland but when the money starts to roll you can bet they'll extend it everywhere.

Add this to Blair's comments recently regarding a national DNA database and the picture is very clear. Big Brother has truly arrived.

LabourHome have come up with an interesting little game, called Second Guess. Basically, you have to guess which MP will nominate other MPs for Leader or Deputy Leader of the Party and whoever gets the most right, in either contest, wins £500.

Currently it's Gordon all the way for Leader, with Hilary Benn slated for deputy! So it seems like there might just be money to be made in the Deputy one at least.

Since there's no restriction on party membership, off you go. It would be fantastic if a Tory (or LibDem) won the pot...

On Monday, a poll by Ipsos MORI came out with:
CON 35%
LAB 37%
LDEM 18%
Others 10%

Yesterday a poll by CommunicateResearch came out with:
CON 38%
LAB 32%
LDEM 14%
Others 16%

And an ICM poll today has just come out with:
CON 39%
LAB 29% ---!!!
LDEM 22%
Others 10%

So... anyone care to venture a guess at what YouGov's poll, due out on Friday, will say? I'm going to guess CON 38%, LAB 35%, LDEM 17% and Others/Don'tKnows 11%. That's just a wild stab in the dark of course.

After disputes with management over a new attendance policy, Translink bus drivers in Ulster have come up with an ingenious way of taking industrial action without affecting services in the busy run up to Christmas. I dare say the public will get right behind them on this one.

If no agreement is made before Monday, they are planning to go to work... but to refuse to collect fares.

So that means free bus rides from around 85% of services across Northern Ireland for possibly around three weeks.

Talk about luck o' the Irish! Ugh, bad pun.

"He knows nothing, and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career."
- George Bernard Shaw, Major Barbara (1907)

I wasn't sure which way Cameron would go if asked whether Britian should apologise for its role in the slave trade centuries ago; after all, he is quite fond of making big apologies. So imagine my relief that this was his response;

“It’s the first time I’ve been approached on the subject and it’s a difficult one, but I would have no difficulty observing the day. But on the question of apology, I don’t find very powerful or persuasive the idea of apologising for something that happened centuries ago. It’s easy words. We need to celebrate the fact that Britain led the way in the abolition movement. We can take pride in that.”

I think that is the best answer that he possibly could have been given. The day for apologies on that subject passed a very long time ago.

In a way I can understand why the church feels the need to say sorry, since Christians are supposed to feel guitly no matter what they have or haven't done, although I'm not sure it was entirely necessary on their part either (if the church were to apologise for every bad thing its ever done it would take from now until the next millenium). But for the government and the monarchy of Britain to do so would just be a pointless spectacle which would ignore our role in getting rid of the slave trade.

Besides, if the government intended to give a serious apology, and are not just going for soundbites, why are they waiting until next year? If they were doing it because they feel genuine remorse they'd have done it already. It's all just bluster.

If there's one thing guaranteed to get me foaming at the mouth it's the Lords reform debate. And since it's just been brought back to the fore by Jack Straw (he's really going for headlines lately)... apologies in advance for a fairly long post. I'm completely and unshakably opposed to more reform of the Lords, or having an elected second chamber, and I think that if the Tory leadership had any balls they would be too.

The argument for reforming the chamber at street level is too often based on complete lack of understanding about what it does, and the argument at political level based on some sort of class or partisan bigotry. I mean, imagine an elected second house in real terms. It would be as bad as the first! Another bunch of Sion Simons getting elected on the basis of how much they sleaze, whether they fill up a minority quota or how good they look on television. Peachy.

The Lords are our checks and balances system. They are absolutely crucial; a house of immensely talented people with a lifetime of knowledge and experience, doing a frankly pretty dull job (most of the time) because it needs to be done. The Commons' method of scrutiny is nothing on the enormous work done by the Lords. But then that's not what the Commons is there for; MPs are there to represent their constituents' needs, not spend their time checking lengthy documents for legal loopholes or problematic mumble. The balance is right. It works.
Incidently, I do actually think that the reforms made already were needed in some measure. Labour were right to redress the thinly-veiled political imbalance in the Lords. However, I do not follow the logic that that level of reform automatically demands further reform.

Like it or not, having elections for the second house would cheat us out of having the very best of the best intellectuals scrutinising government affairs and keeping Parliament relatively sane. A person might have a lifetime of knowledge about legal affairs, for example, yet be useless at campaigning, dull as hell and not exactly easy on the eye. It would be ludicrous to put them through such a spectacle when it is their knowledge that is needed, not an ability to represent any local affairs or dish out soundbites to the press. We have the House of Commons to represent the people and legislate, and it retains the final say for that reason, and the House of Lords to make sure they do it, and do it well. Why rock a steady boat?

At the risk of going on and on, I'll quit foaming now. It just happens to be a matter I feel very strongly about. The second house should not be elected to office except by Parliament and on a meritocratic basis. The end.

Related Links of Interest:
Iain Dale: Thoughts on House of Lords Reform
Mars Hill: The Latest Lords Reform Proposals
Tim Worstall: Lords Reform
Kevin Davis: A New House of Lords
City Unslicker: Reform of the House of Lords

"In response to a request from the police, I agreed to be interviewed by them in connection with their inquiries into nominations for peerages. The police emphasized that they wanted to interview me as a witness and that I was not under suspicion of having committed any criminal offense."

Michael Howard is the latest person to be question by the police in the Cash for Peerages Scandal. If nothing else, it proves that the investigation is certainly still going, and that Nigel Griffiths was talking out of the wrong orrifice when he said that the case had been dropped due to lack of evidence.

There was speculation on Channel 4 News tonight that it can't be long before Tony Blair is quizzed by the police. I would have to concur. The net is definitely closing in on our erstwhile Prime Minister.

The first PM to be quizzed by the police whilst still in office... Well, he was looking for some kind of legacy I suppose.

"Tyler Drumheller, who worked for the CIA for 26 years and rose to become head of the agency's European operations, says the former CIA director George Tenet received a "powerful delegation from a very close European ally" at the CIA's headquarters on September 12 2001.

According to Drumheller in his book, On the Brink, the head of the delegation told Mr Tenet that "his government stood by us ... and that we could count on it for any and all support." But the official continued: "I hope we can all agree that we should concentrate on Afghanistan and not be tempted to launch any attacks on Iraq." According to Drumheller, Mr Tenet replied, "Absolutely, we all agree on that."

Full story here. So apparently, the day after the 9/11 attacks British officials went to Washington and agreed with the head of the CIA that there would be no attack on Iraq.

Strange how we should end up doing just that. Even stranger how involving Iraq was immediately an issue, when the officials knew that we needed to concentrate on Afghanistan, and the Bush adminstration obviously knew that Osama bin Laden was the culprit (after all, they flew all of his family out of America on private jets on September 12th, despite air traffic still being suspended).

"Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."
- Ronald Reagan, Los Angeles (2nd March 1977)

I had a crash course in activism out in David Davis' stopping ground, the constituency of Haltemprice and Howden, today - along with my fellow Tories from Hull University Conservative Future and A-Lister Andy Percy.

First order of the day; leaflet folding. Ah to be a footsoldier!I have to say it was great to meet Andy. A more down to earth, genuine chap you'd be challenged find. He's good for a laugh and has no qualms at all about telling it how it is. The amount of work he already does is quite prodigious as well. I really hope he gets selected for either Brigg and Goole or Cleethorpes, he does deserve to go far. And I'm not just saying that because he might read this!
On the leafletting round, I was only attacked by one dog and one LibDem, which I feel is pretty good overall. Actually, on the way Andy spied a possible LibDem conspiracy as, on both of the Willerby Parish Council's notice boards we passed, David Davis had been entirely covered up and the three LibDem Councillors likely to lose their seats in that area featured prominently instead. Andy was on the phone quick as a flash to complain, which just goes to show how proactive he is.

Finally, once the distributing of leaflets was done and dusted, Andy took us all to the pub and treated us to a free pint and some chips. It was very pleasant. The war was only mentioned a few dozen times but I think we got away with it.

Courtesy of Iain Dale, Dizzy and Jonathan Sheppard, it's the Nerd Test...


Could have been worse I suppose!

I would have posted this last night but blogger had a hiccup.

"Faced with a fight he's weak. He ought to be known as 'Hands-up Blair'. It is a pity we have not got a Prime Minister who will stand up for Britain. Blair leads the most feeble government this century - they are hollow and spineless."
- Margaret Thatcher (1999)

I don't know why people bother to go on Deal or No Deal in the hope of winning that elusive £250,000. There is an easier way.

Simply wear some kind of facial covering - a niqab, Blair mask, stocking... anything will do - and go to work at a school. Then, when you are unable to communicate well enough to do your job, cry victimisation, leave with full pay continued and pursue a court case to the last at the cost of £250,000 to the tax payer. Eh voila. You've hit paydirt.

I'm sorry to be flippant but this case is borderline absurd. This woman knows that wearing a veil isn't a matter of religion when she says, "I will continue to uphold my religious beliefs and urge Muslims to engage in dialogue with the wide community despite the attacks that are being made upon them".

I would hardly constitute Ministers not siding with her as being attacks. It is her personal choice to wear the niqab, not a requirement of her faith. I would expect somebody wearing a miniskirt or any other sort of inappropriate clothing to have been treated in the same way by the school; when you are teaching children there are standards to uphold, and she simply refused to put their welfare above her own. Being Muslim does not exempt a person from those societal rules which we all abide by.

This is victim culture in all it's rampant glory. Another wonderful thing New Labour has done for us.

Some quite bizarre notions have been coming out of the Japanese Liberal Democratic Party's policy chief, Shoichi Nakagawa, lately. Apparently he believes Kim Jong Il might launch a nuclear attack on Japan... because he is diabetic.

"One would not do such a thing normally, but because that country's leader has overeaten rich food and suffers from diabetes, he could think about it," Nakagawa reckoned in a speech in Hamamatsu, Shizuoka Prefecture, referring to the possibility of North Korea using a nuclear weapon against Japan.

What is more worrying is the fact that the alarm felt by Japan over North Korea's nuclear testing has the ruling party call for debates and a "possible review of the country's nonnuclear principles". I don't suppose for a moment that Japan would ever arm itself, but it is a very effective demonstration of the unfortunate domino effect that even just one country having nuclear arms produces.

Whatever partial victory Britain has won against the EU today, in managing to opt out on the enforcement of a 48-hour week feels somewhat muted since they're just going to form a working group to review the opt-out and 'recommend' compliance again in two years.

Just as with the EU Constitution. There was talk of simply holding referendums in the countries which rejected it again. Positively depressing for the 'no' vote, since if you win the implication is that they will just poll and poll again, or review it and review it, until they get the answer they want.

The entire idea of restricting the working week to 48-hours is just not very realistic anyway. It will harm more than help those it is attempting to save (from the evil clutches of bosses paying people overtime). In the UK, with our high taxes leaving a large proportion of people with barely enough money to put food on the table, restricting working hours can only make a bad situation worse. I'm glad we have managed to opt-out (for now).

Wouldn't their time and our time be better spent helping stem the tide of genuinely dangerous illegal work, such as sex trafficking and cockle picking? We should be devoting our energy to fighting against the victimisation of vulnerable people in that way, not squabbling with our neighbours over working hours.

"God told me to strike at al Qaeda and I struck them. And then He instructed me to strike at Saddam, which I did. And now I am determined to solve the problem in the Middle East. If you help me, I will act, and if not, the elections will come and I will have to focus on them."
- George W. Bush (2003)

For all the faults of our electoral system, we should thank our lucky stars for how relatively mild our election campaigns are. Compare the Dave the Chameleon campaign with the type of vile, negative and downright dishonest campaigning prevalent in US elections and you have to laugh.

"Republicans aren't going after their Democratic challengers much on Iraq, or the war on terror, or nuclear proliferation. Instead, members of President Bush's party are accusing their adversaries of being apologists for gay sex between adults and children... The thinking, though, appears to be that if Democrats can be painted as paedophiles too, then the Foley scandal might lose some of its bite..."

Unbelievable stuff in the Independent today. The Republicans really are shameless hypocrites and the Democrats are a complete mess. No wonder less than half of Americans bother to vote. There may be some low blows and possibly a few half-truths in our election campaigns but at least our parties never sink to quite such depths.

So Claire Short is finally leaving the Labour Party.

Are we really surprised? She hates Blair for Iraq, gave up on Brown over Trident and alienated her Labour colleagues by desiring a Hung Parliament rather than a Labour win. Claire Short really has nowhere left to go in the Labour Party.

She already said she will stand down at the next election, and there were rumours not too long ago that she was going to defect to the Lib Dems. She was definitely doing to do something. Becoming an Independent is as good an option as any (even if she did say she wouldn't go down that route not too long ago). Although she is undoubtedly a tad barmy and quite the media floozy, anybody who attempts to stick it to Blair and the government for being useless gets my approval.

May she continue to be a thorn in Blair's side and as mad as the march hare.

Some interesting things have come out of David Cameron's meeting with Chicago rapper Che Jones, aka "Rhymefest", in Parliament today. Not least the revelation that Cameron likes Eminem's song "Stan". I'm quite surprised by that! The man has taste.

I have to say though, the spin in the Times is a bit sloppy;

"Curiously, there was no photo-opportunity of the two men together. Tory spin doctors evidently feared a 'William Hague moment' - a repeat of the photo of the former party leader in a baseball cap that only served to show how out of touch he was with the young generation."

Um...

Since we don't really know what tax cutting policies the Tories will take on from the study by the Tax Reform Commission, I was more interested in their catalogue of what is wrong with the tax system as it is today.

There are plenty of striking statistics to be found.

• The UK tax burden is forecast to reach 42.6% by next year, which is the highest level since 1986. If the tax burden was still at the level it was in 1966, the average household would be £5,140 better off.
• There was an interesting finding that the problem of tax complexity and instability, particularly with regard to business, has been "exacerbated by the growing role of the European Court of Justice and the UK's apparent difficulty in anticipating its rulings."
• There is too much tax law and not enough parliamentary time to scrutinse it. So it's not being scrutinised properly.
  
• Tax complexity actually adds to the burden of tax itself, and KPMG estimates the administrative burden of UK tax regulation is £5.1 billion!

The rest is all very interesting but I'm not sure how any of it would affect me personally, even if all £21 billion worth of cuts were taken on board, so I couldn't possibly comment.

“The public will find it unbelievable that a Chancellor who once prided himself on prudence has become the nation’s biggest spender, splashing out £56million for him and his staff to wine and dine while staying in hotels in Britain and around the world... Since the Treasury is primarily interested in the domestic economy, it is even harder to believe that Mr Brown should need to spend so much."

Mmm, what could we have done with £56 million? Well I'm sure we could have rescued quite a few jobs in the NHS. That amount could save both Labour and the Conservative Parties from their financial troubles in one fell swoop. Roughly 120 people could buy OBEs from New Labour or about 56 could get a seat in the Lords. Apparently we could even fund an entire government department with that money. And I'm sure there are quite a few charities who can only dream of having that amount of cash to spend on good causes.

Then again, to put it in context, £56 million would only allow us to keep up our protection payments to the EU for about six hours. So perhaps it's not so much after all...

Still, it blows that whole "prudent Chancellor" myth right out of the water with a big fat bazooka.

"From time to time in these pages, I like to parody the memoirs of politicians, highlighting their conceit, their pomposity, their simple delight in themselves. Over the past couple of years, the job has become abominably hard, for each politician seems far more adept at parodying himself that I could ever hope to be."
- Craig Brown, Craig Brown's Hits (1993)

Lately David Blunkett and Alistair Campbell have come out as having had mental issues during the heady days of New Labour. They have also asserted that Tony Blair has been "up and down" quite a lot as well. It's pretty obvious what that means.

How barking does a Prime Minister have to be to assert that his Home Secretary misled Parliament and concealed something as crucial as an escaped terror suspect was all the opposition parties' fault for opposing them?

BLAIR: "We, of course, wanted far tougher laws against terrorism. We were prevented by the opposition in parliament and then by the courts in ensuring that that was done."

So if the Opposition let the government detain people without charge or trial for months on end... John Reid would not have let a man with clear links to the 7/7 bombers out and concealed it from Parliament?

REID: "The opposition in parliament is led by the Conservatives and the Liberals. They are the first to complain when things go wrong and the first to run away when very difficult decisions are made in parliament. If they want to prove their credentials, why don't they vote in parliament for every single stronger measure that we bring to combat crime?"

Here's a reason. How about because a government who violates its citizens democratic rights on a daily basis with a Protest Exlusion Zone around Westminster and uses Anti-Terrorism Legislation to evict 70-year old hecklers from its conference cannot be trusted with such powers.

And hold on just one minute here. Is the same Home Secretary who is refusing to even disclose the name of this suspect, or put out pictures of him in order to aid his recapture? What a complete f***wit of the highest order. He and Bliar make a perfect couple.

"BRITAIN is to be investigated for the first time by the Council of Europe for alleged human rights breaches because of concerns over postal voting fraud.

Scandals arising from Tony Blair’s strategy to improve turnouts by giving everybody the right to vote by post risk placing Britain in the same league as newly toppled dictatorships."

Extraordinary. Thanks to New Labour, and another of their badly thought out and badly implemented initiatives, Great Britain - a supposed benchmark for democracy - stands accused of widespread vote fraud. As one judge succinctly put it, it “would disgrace a banana republic”.

I've been looking forwards to this for a while. Two of my favourite people engaged in an interview. Richard Dawkins, the atheist biologist and Stephen Colbert, one of the funniest men on American TV. It was guaranteed to be great watching.

Sadly the interview is far too short but I think Dawkins manages to get his point across. Colbert is brilliant at playing the part of a believer grasping at straws. It beats Paxman's interview with Dawkins any day.

NB: For anybody not sure of who Stephen Colbert is, he is the man with the biggest balls in the universe.

Except for elites and those whose paychecks rely on it of course.

Yep it's the European Union's 50th birthday next year. The only problem is nobody really wants to celebrate it. Already a whole host of party ideas have been quietly dropped.

• Eurovision-style song contest
• Dancing in street
• EU marathon
• Tree-planting campaign
• European film festival
• Festive voyage by boat calling at ports from Finland to Greece

All gone. Apparently they're giving up up on the generations cognisant enough to know how ridiculous the European Union has become and are going to get the kids instead.

"The focus will now be on youth events, including an idea suggested by the UK, known as United Schools of Europe, which would link schools across the EU via the web."

(I bet that was one of Ruth Kelly's ideas!) Anyway, it's typical European Union tactics. Always trying to get them while they're young.

If only they'd just let the occasion pass by quietly. Fat chance of that I suppose.

So this is New Labour's strategy against David Cameron? Just call him a liar over and over in the hope that eventually it'll stick? How droll.

David Cameron makes spending promises. Labour's response? LIAR LIAR!
David Cameron reveals high figures for unemployment. Labour's response? LIAR LIAR!
David Cameron cites 20,000 job losses in the NHS. Labour's response? LIAR LIAR!

Pffft.

The last one is quite amusing to read; definitely something of a "crisis, what crisis?" tone about Tony Blair's response. And there's some great flailing around searching for an answer.

Noooo, people aren't being made redundant in the NHS! They're just... moving around a bit...

No wait, actually, the figure of 20,000 relates to positions being cut not actual job loses, because nobody's working in those positions, um, probably...

Look, only a few hundred will lose their jobs! Promise! Who are you going to believe, NHS Employers or the government?

Again, I say pffft. I think we know, through precedent alone, who is the more likely to have smoky pants here.

"A government that is big enough to give you all you want, is big enough to take it all away."
- Former Presidential Candidate Barry Goldwater

"David Blunkett ordered the Prison Service to call in the Army and 'machine gun' prisoners to quell a riot, according to the service's former Director General... Martin Narey claimed that the former Home Secretary 'shrieked' down the telephone that he did not care if the lives of inmates or staff were lost in efforts to regain control of Lincoln prison."

"Mr Narey said the incident convinced him that Mr Blunkett was not capable of holding down his position in government. His version of events is a response to claims in Mr Blunkett's diaries that the Prison Service was slow to act when prisoners revolted at Lincoln jail in October 2002..."